A Winding Journey to Single Motherhood by Choice: Elizabeth's Story

A Shocking Loss

While living in Dallas, Texas, Elizabeth's story took a life-altering turn. She met someone special—her best friend—and they fell in love. "Life seemed to be unfolding as I desired," she says. The couple moved in together, got engaged, and began planning their future.

Then, unexpectedly, her fiancé passed away. "It was devastating," she says. "I grieved the loss of an incredible man and the life we had planned together. That chapter of my life in Dallas closed after that experience."

Heartbroken, Elizabeth moved back to Connecticut.

New Hope for the Future

After years of grieving, she met someone she respected and cared for. In time, she married, believing she’d found another chance at building a family. "We talked about life with children," she recalls. But after their wedding, her new partner got cold feet.

The marriage soon ended, and with it, her dream of becoming a mother slipped further away. "Heartbreak was weighing so heavy on me, not only for these two big losses in the form of death and divorce, but also because motherhood felt like it was just out of reach," she shares.

"By that time, I was in my mid-thirties, watching everyone around me build their families," Elizabeth remembers. "I tried to comfort myself by thinking, maybe being a mom just wasn’t meant for me."

But something inside her continued to stir.

It's Now or Never

"As I got closer to my 40th birthday, I just couldn’t ignore it anymore," she says. "Without realizing it, I had begun deep-diving into topics like child development, childbirth, and midwifery. My heart was leading me toward motherhood."

On her birthday, Elizabeth watched the candles on her cake flicker, closed her eyes, and sent out a silent wish to the universe: "It’s time." 

Photos: Elizabeth's pregnancy announcement; first photoshoot with her son Luca.

Taking the Leap Toward Motherhood

Elizabeth began exploring her options for becoming a Single Mom by Choice (SMBC), a term used to describe women who proactively decide to pursue parenthood without a partner. For many, this path includes fertility treatments with donor sperm, adoption, or embryo donation.

At first, she sought care from a private fertility practice. But something didn’t feel right. "Everything felt like a struggle, and it felt like time was just slipping through my fingers," she admits. "I was unhappy and frustrated."

Then, an Instagram post from Illume Fertility caught her eye. "It explained the difference between a private practice and a larger fertility clinic. It wasn’t saying one was better than the other—it was just about finding the right fit," she says. "I remember saving the post and even commenting on it."

Little did she know, she'd soon be working with the team at Illume!

Choosing a Sperm Donor

Elizabeth spent nearly a year searching for the right sperm donor. "I tend to act on feeling," she explains. "And none of the donor profiles felt right - every time I thought I found a good fit, something in their medical history made me pause."

She eventually found her match through California Cryobank. "When I found my donor, it was immediate - I knew he was the one,” she says. "So many similarities aligned. It felt like this would be someone I’d want to know."

She chose an open ID donor, which meant her future child would have the option to contact the donor when they turn 18. For Elizabeth, this arrangement just felt like the right choice.

How do I choose the right sperm donor?

A fertility nurse walks you through each step of the process of selecting a sperm donor, from initial research to final selection and legal considerations.

Signs of Serendipity

Elizabeth successfully became pregnant at her original clinic, but something felt off. She decided to schedule a consultation at Illume Fertility while still finishing that cycle.

"During my conversation with a New Patient Liaison at Illume, she said, 'I have the perfect fit for you—Dr. Williams.' After reading his bio and seeing he’d worked in Dallas, it felt serendipitous."

Sadly, shortly afterward, she miscarried. It was a devastating blow.

At her next OB/GYN appointment, her doctor—unaware that Elizabeth had already reached out to Illume—told her, "I don’t want to see you in this dark place again," and recommended she go see a specific fertility doctor she described as 'an angel.'

That doctor? Dr. Shaun Williams.

"I laughed and said, 'You won’t believe this, but I already set up an appointment with him,'" Elizabeth recalls. "At that moment, I knew Illume Fertility was where I was meant to be."

Getting Started With IVF Treatment

With Dr. Williams at her side, Elizabeth felt safe, supported, and seen. "He immediately made me feel comfortable," she says. "He honored my loss and previous experiences, made sure I took time to heal, and cheered me on when I was ready to move forward."

Since she hadn’t previously undergone in-depth diagnostic testing, Elizabeth felt like she was starting from square one. "This was truly my first look at my hormones, reproductive organs, and the impact of my age," she explains.

She discussed her treatment options with Dr. Williams, and opted to begin with in vitro fertilization (IVF), which would give her the best chances of success.

Her first two IVF cycles yielded embryos, but none that came back chromosomally normal after undergoing preimplantation genetic testing (PGT). "It really hurt," she says. "I was frustrated. My body felt strong and healthy, but your ovaries speak for themselves. For a time, I was mad at them."

Taking Time to Regroup

"I just needed a break," Elizabeth admits. "After half a year of consistent dedication to pursuing treatment, I felt like a shell of myself. I took a season to breathe, have a cocktail, and simply eat something without analyzing whether it contained fertility-friendly nutrients."

After taking some time off from fertility treatments, she returned to Illume to explore her remaining options. "When I came to Dr. Williams with my next decision, he was in full support, and we began again," she recalls.

On Trusting the Process

Elizabeth's third IVF cycle looked promising—until she heard the final result: just one embryo.

"I was crushed," she says. "And the embryo's grade wasn’t great. I thought, 'What are the chances of this even working?' But Dr. Williams said, 'Have faith. Trust the process.'"

That little embryo with an 'okay' grade? It resulted in Elizabeth's long-awaited son, Luca, who was born July 2, 2024. "At birth, he was more than okay—he was excellent. Perfect, even!"

Finding Luca's Donor Siblings

Since welcoming Luca, Elizabeth has continued to embrace every aspect of their unique journey—including some heartwarming discoveries. "Through California Cryobank, I was able to register Luca with their sibling registry," she shares. "I was really surprised that such a thing even existed."

The registry allows donor-conceived families to learn about others who share the same donor, with optional contact. For Elizabeth, it brought unexpected peace of mind to see birth dates, locations, and even genders of other children conceived using the same donor.

"I’ve actually been in touch with another single mom who has a son a year older than Luca," she says. "We’ve talked about staying connected and possibly letting our boys get to know each other one day. I love the idea—especially since Luca will be my only child. It feels like a unique opportunity for a sibling-like experience."

Which type of donor is best?

Explore the differences between the most common donor types, and the emotional, legal, and medical considerations for each arrangement.

Facing Challenges with Resilience

When asked what surprised her most about the fertility process, Elizabeth says: "The length of time it takes. You think, 'Oh, science will make it happen!' But it’s so much more. It’s your body, your mind, your medications, your support system. It takes time, and it takes learning."

The setbacks were the hardest part. But she leaned on her support system—and found strength in vulnerability. "Talking about my journey helped me heal," she says. "So many women opened up to me about their own struggles, losses, fertility treatments, and alternative paths to motherhood."

Her yoga practice, friends, and the community she built around herself all became vital sources of strength.

Life As a New Mom

Though Elizabeth had spent plenty of time around babies, the newborn stage was still a bit of a mystery to her.

"You don’t usually interact much with friends’ newborns—moms are recovering, babies are fragile," she says. "I was so excited for that precious stage of bonding, but I definitely popped up more than a few times those first nights to make sure he was breathing!"

Now, settling into motherhood, Elizabeth says life is "infinitely more wonderful" with Luca by her side. "I’m so grateful—and so excited to celebrate our very first Mother’s Day together."

Photos: Luca and Elizabeth on their first vacation together; bath time smiles.

Why She Shares Her SMBC Story

For many, fertility and family building are topics still shrouded in mystery - and it's easy to feel isolated when it feels like no one else is speaking up about their experiences. Elizabeth says she wants other people to know they won’t be alone. “The more I pursued this path, the more I met women just like me,” she says.

While data is limited, current estimates suggest that over 3 million women in the U.S. have opted for parenthood without a partner, a figure that reflects a significant and growing trend. 

By sharing her story, Elizabeth adds her voice to a powerful community of advocates raising awareness and pushing for increased access to fertility and family-building care for ALL - single parents included!

Elizabeth has found tremendous value in following content creators and online communities that share honest, real-life experiences of motherhood. One of her favorites? Emily Vondy. "She’s a bright light who brings much-needed humor, self-compassion, and confidence to motherhood, no matter what phase you’re in," she says.

Additional Resources

Looking for support or want to learn more?

• Explore our Patient Story Library for hope and inspiration
• Visit our NIAW Resource Hub to find support or get involved in advocacy efforts
• Join Illume for an upcoming community event or educational workshop
• Watch our Ask Monica Q&A Series for expert insights on fertility

Encouragement for Others Considering Solo Motherhood

Today, Elizabeth looks at her son Luca and remembers the winding road she had to navigate to bring him into the world. She now knows, without a doubt, that he was worth every single moment of uncertainty.

Elizabeth's journey was built on love, strength, community, and courage. And above all else, one bold decision to listen to her heart and trust that she was capable of creating the family she always dreamed of—on her own terms.

To anyone exploring the possibility of single motherhood by choice, Elizabeth says: "Do it. Make the leap and don’t look back. Take the fear and wonder and say, 'Yes, I can do this.' It will be hard—but it will be beautiful."