How to Choose the Right Sperm Donor | A Step-by-Step Guide

Choosing a sperm donor can be an emotional and daunting task, regardless of the circumstances that brought you to this point. In this guide, we'll provide expert insights on where to begin your search, how many vials of sperm to order for IUI and IVF, the differences between IUI, ICI, and IVF-ready sperm, and everything else you need to know on this journey.

In this article:

• Donor Sperm 101
• Known vs. Anonymous Donors
• How to Find a Sperm Donor
• Step 1: Select a Sperm Bank
• Step 2: Review Donor Profiles
• Step 3: Choose Your Donor & Order Vials
• How many vials of donor sperm do I need for IUI?
• How many vials of donor sperm do I need for IVF?
• Comparing IUI, ICI & IVF-Ready Sperm
• When should I order donor sperm?
• How do I choose the 'right' sperm donor?
• Sperm Donor Screening Requirements
• Why CMV Status Matters When Choosing a Donor
• The Legal Aspect of Using Donor Sperm
• Psychological Considerations for Using Donor Sperm
• Donor Conception Resources
• Sperm Donor FAQs

Donor Sperm 101

Let's start with the basics!

Donor sperm is the term used to refer to sperm that is provided by a man (the donor) to be used in fertility treatments (such as IUI or IVF) for another individual or couple. Donor sperm can be used in various fertility treatment procedures, such as intrauterine insemination (IUI) or in vitro fertilization (IVF).

Donor recipients can choose a donor based on various factors, including physical characteristics, medical history, education, and personal interests.

Donor sperm offers a valuable option for individuals and couples who are unable to conceive on their own. However, it is important to acknowledge that pursuing donor conception is a complex process with medical, emotional, and legal considerations.

In this guide, we'll provide an in-depth breakdown of how to find the right sperm donor for your family while answering some of the most common questions intended parents ask during this process.

Will I need to use donor sperm?

While you may initially think of same-sex female couples needing donor sperm to conceive, there are actually three distinct categories of people who often need the help of a donor.

The most common candidates for donor sperm are:

1. Same-sex female couples who both have uteruses, but no sperm source.
2. Single women planning to become single mothers by choice.
3. Heterosexual couples in which the male partner has azoospermia (meaning a lack of sperm in the ejaculate) or a genetic condition they don't want to risk passing on.

Feeling unsure about what sort of fertility assistance you might need? Take our free Fertility Assessment and receive personalized treatment pathway recommendations!

How many families use sperm donors?

Using donor gametes (the medical term for sperm and eggs) has become more prevalent in recent years, and its indications have also become more widespread. In the United States alone, estimates suggest that around 30,000-60,000 children are born annually through the use of donor sperm.

It's worth noting that this number is continuing to grow as more people become aware of assisted reproductive technologies and societal acceptance of diverse family structures increases.

Known vs. Anonymous Sperm Donors

Before you begin your search for a sperm donor, it's important to understand the different types of donor arrangements and decide what feels right for your family. There are two main types of donors, which have historically been referred to as known and anonymous. 

Here's a brief overview of what these terms mean:

1. Directed (Known) Donor

Previously referred to as a known donor, a directed donor arrangement involves someone that the intended parents know personally, such as a friend or relative who is willing to contribute their genetic material (egg or sperm) to help conceive a child. This person is typically someone already in the intended parents' lives before they start their family-building journey. 

Directed donors should always undergo the same medical and genetic screenings as anonymous donors in order to minimize health risks. While this arrangement may initially appear to be more cost-effective, intended parents (instead of the sperm bank) end up covering the cost of these screenings, as well as legal counsel.

2. Nonidentified (Anonymous) Donor

Nonidentified donors were historically referred to as anonymous donors. They may also be referred to as deidentified donors. 

In 2022, the American Society for Reproductive Medicine (ASRM) updated the terminology from "anonymous" to "nonidentified" to reflect the fact that genetic testing, social media, and donor sibling registries have essentially eliminated the concept of anonymous donation. 

Nonidentified donors are rigorously screened to minimize health risks and ensure a complete understanding of the process. Intended parents are able to access detailed medical histories for each donor, leading to more informed decision-making.

Should I choose a known or anonymous donor?

The truth is, there's no one right answer! It's important to carefully consider your priorities and values before making a decision. Consulting with professionals such as fertility specialists and legal advisors is essential, as they will help you navigate the complexities of both options.

While most patients at our fertility clinic elect to use 'anonymous' sperm donors, though an increasing number of intended parents are considering known donors.

Regardless of your final decision, it is crucial to have clear legal agreements in place to define your chosen donor's rights and responsibilities, especially concerning paternity and potential future contact with the child.

Known or anonymous?

Dive deeper into the differences between anonymous and known donors, and the legal, emotional, and medical considerations for each.

A Fertility Nurse's Perspective

As a nurse practitioner who has worked in the field of fertility and family building for over 25 years, I am often asked what I like most about my job.

While my number one joy is working with patients to help them build their families, a close second is witnessing the frequent advances in technology and reproductive endocrinology that contribute to increasing both pregnancy rates and access to care.

As a result, the process of choosing a sperm donor has become increasingly easier, more private, and personalized to each individual's needs. However, navigating each step can still feel overwhelming!

Let's walk through this process step by step to help you feel more confident in your decision.

How to Find a Sperm Donor

After doing initial research and considering your options, you'll begin the process of finding a sperm donor. It's important to seek advice from fertility specialists, genetic counselors, and/or therapists to understand both the medical and emotional aspects of using donor sperm.

If you decide to work with a sperm bank, here are the steps you'll take:

Step 1: Select a Sperm Bank

The best place to start your search for a donor is a national sperm bank. We recommend the following sperm banks, which are all reputable, reliable, and have easy-to-use websites:

California Cryobank

Founded in 1977, California Cryobank provides comprehensive services including frozen donor sperm, private semen cryopreservation, specialized reproductive services (including egg and embryo storage), donor sibling matching, and access to one of the world's largest and most diverse selections of donor sperm.

Fairfax Cryobank

A trusted source for donor sperm since 1986, Fairfax Cryobank offers a comprehensive range of services and support, including FaceMatch technology, specialized storage for individuals undergoing gender-affirming hormone therapy, and a unique program offering discounted vials if pregnancy is not achieved within 12 months of the first insemination. 

Cryobio

Founded in 1989, this family-owned and operated sperm bank has maintained a strong focus on quality, transparency, and personalized service. Cryobio has a rigorous donor screening process, accepting less than 1% of applicants. They have a wide range of donor options, including Open ID (child can contact donor at 18) and 'anonymous' donors.

Many sperm banks offer free basic access to their databases, as well as varying subscription levels, which allows you to search without making a monetary commitment. California Cryobank also provides examples of each item included in a given subscription level, so you always know what you're getting.

Step 2: Review Donor Profiles

After you have compared your options and chosen a sperm bank to work with, you can create an account and start browsing their donor database. Use the available search filters and specific criteria to identify potential donors based on your preferences (i.e. physical traits, ethnicity, education, or other characteristics).

Carefully consider any recommendations made by your genetic counselor, fertility specialist, and/or mental health professional, particularly in terms of medical compatibility. Take your time to review each donor's detailed profile, which may include medical histories, personal essays, photos, and/or audio recordings (if available).

Note: Some donors will only share photos of themselves as a baby, while others will share photos of themselves at various ages (including what they look like as an adult).

Step 3: Choose Your Donor & Order Vials

Once you've identified a suitable donor, carefully review all available information on their profile, then make a decision based on your needs, preferences, and priorities. If you have questions or need further assistance, don't hesitate to reach out to your fertility clinic's Care Team or the sperm bank's staff for guidance and support.

Place an order for the desired number of vials, considering your fertility treatment plan, future family-building goals, and your clinic's recommendations. Your order will often be shipped directly to your fertility clinic (if planning a treatment cycle soon), or you can consider storage options offered by your sperm bank (if you don't intend to use the vials right away). 

How many vials of donor sperm do I need for IUI?

If you are proceeding with an intrauterine insemination (IUI) cycle, we recommend ordering two vials of IUI-ready sperm (or ICI, if necessary) or three vials of IVF/ART-ready sperm.

How many vials of donor sperm do I need for IVF?

If you are proceeding with an in vitro fertilization (IVF) cycle, we recommend ordering two vials of ICI, IUI, or IVF/ART-ready sperm.

Note: Most fertility clinics are unable to store more than two vials of donor sperm at a time, but you can purchase additional vials and put them on hold, storing them at the sperm bank and retrieving them in the future when needed.

Comparing IUI, ICI & IVF-Ready Sperm

In the chart above, you'll find an in-depth comparison of the three types of donor sperm vials and what each is used for. To learn about preparation methods (and why they matter), see below.  

1. IUI-ready sperm is washed (i.e. the seminal fluid is removed) prior to freezing it, leaving a concentrated sample with high motility.
2. ICI-ready sperm is not washed. Since removing seminal fluid is an important step in improving sperm motility, it is best that IUI-ready sperm is purchased for inseminations (when available). If you order ICI-ready sperm for an insemination, your fertility clinic will need to process the sample and wash it in-house, which generates an additional charge.
3. IVF/ART-ready sperm undergoes specialized preparation techniques to optimize fertilization potential in IVF procedures. These samples are still high quality, but have a lower quantity of sperm so should only be used in IVF cycles (since less sperm is needed than in IUI cycles).

When should I order donor sperm?

At Illume Fertility, we recommend ordering two vials of IUI-ready sperm prior to starting your treatment cycle, then communicating actively with your clinical team in between treatment cycles (should pregnancy not be achieved with the first cycle) for recommendations regarding ordering additional sperm. 

We don’t recommend only ordering one vial at a time, because shipping fees can be upwards of $200. Additionally, it's always a good idea to have a back-up vial available in case the original vial doesn’t thaw as expected (an uncommon, but important consideration). 

Note: Remember to account for your family-building plans! If you would like to have 2-3 children (and prefer to use the same sperm donor for all pregnancies), you'll probably want to order and reserve multiple vials from that donor in advance.

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How do I choose the 'right' sperm donor?

Although the process of choosing a donor has become easier and more simplified over the years, there are certain factors that should always be considered. It may be easiest to start with more broad criteria (e.g. ethnicity, health history) before narrowing your search down further (e.g. education level, personality traits). 

4 Important Questions to Ask

Once you have selected a few donor profiles, take time to consider the following:

• What is the donor's medical history? If certain diseases or conditions are prevalent in your family history (e.g. diabetes), make sure they are not prevalent in his. This will reduce the risk of transmitting the condition to your future child.
• How many children do I hope to have? Since we recommend that you order two vials of sperm per treatment cycle, you need to make sure your donor has enough vials available (if you would like to use the same donor for all of your cycles).
• What relationship do you want to have with the donor? For example, if you'd like your future child to be able to contact their donor at 18 years old or earlier, you would need to choose a donor who is open to this arrangement.
• What photos/details do you want access to? For example, if you want to be able to view photos of your prospective donor from childhood and as an adult, you will need to find profiles that offer this. Not all donors share photos of themselves as adults.

Making Your Final Decision

Many intended parents narrow their search down to 2-3 good options but then get stuck, feeling uncertain about which donor is the 'right' donor. This is normal! It's a big decision.

Our advice: Look for something in the donor’s profile that you connect with. What draws you to him over other donors? Perhaps he played the same sport as you in high school, has similar hobbies, or shared something in his personal essay that you really resonated with.

Some intended parents even host "donor parties," where they invite close friends and family over to help them review donor profiles before making a final decision. This can be a lighthearted, fun way to involve your loved ones in this process, if you feel comfortable doing so.

Ultimately, the choice is yours. Trust your instincts and personal preferences, and consider any guidance you receive from your fertility specialist or genetic counselor. If you (and/or your partner) are having a hard time agreeing on a donor, speaking with a licensed mental health professional can also be helpful. 

Sperm Donor Screening Requirements

Sperm donors are typically between 18-40 years old and get compensated for their donations. Before they are approved to donate, potential donors must complete extensive medical, family, and genetic histories, which are carefully reviewed by a clinical team.

Candidates then undergo the following:

• A thorough physical examination
• Sexually transmitted infection (STI) testing
• Screening for common genetic diseases
• A semen analysis (to assess the quantity and quality of their sample)

Only 1-5% of men who apply to become sperm donors are actually approved to donate.

Additional Screening

Many of the national sperm banks also do in-person interviews, verify educational degrees, and perform criminal background checks and psychological testing, as explained here by Fairfax Cryobank.

Only candidates who pass all testing are selected to produce several samples, which are then collected and frozen. These samples are quarantined (stored as frozen vials) and infectious disease screening is repeated 3-6 months later to assure negative results prior to the vials becoming available for use.

Why CMV Status Matters When Choosing a Donor

Cytomegalovirus (CMV) is a common virus that affects approximately 50-80% of American adults, and there is no vaccine currently available. Most people have no idea if and when they are infected with CMV, as its symptoms mimic that of the common cold or a mild flu (unless you are immunosuppressed, then it can have a more severe effect).

During active infection, CMV can be transmitted through bodily fluids (like blood, breast milk, and semen). If a woman is infected with it while pregnant, the baby is at risk of developing congenital CMV disease, which is the most common infectious cause of birth defects in the United States.

How do I know if I have CMV?

The only way to find out if you actively have CMV or have been exposed to it in the past (and are now immune to it) is to have a blood test drawn. If you are CMV negative (not actively or previously exposed to CMV) we ask that you choose a CMV negative donor to minimize the risk of contracting it while pregnant.

Note: If you are unsure of your CMV status, please ask your clinical team for guidance prior to ordering donor sperm.

The Legal Aspect of Using Donor Sperm

If you are using an 'anonymous' donor from a sperm bank, they will handle the legal documents for the sperm donor. You will sign consent forms at your fertility clinic that you are choosing donor sperm and that you are confirming that you would like us to thaw your current vial of sperm and any additional vials if necessary.

If you choose to use a known donor (i.e. a family member or friend), that potential sperm donor would need to become a patient at the fertility clinic where screening and testing is performed, and consents are signed. Some clinics require that the sperm sample is quarantined for a few months (and then retested for STIs) prior to your treatment cycle.

Note: In these cases, it is strongly recommended that both the donor sperm recipient(s) and the sperm donor have separate legal representation and contracts. This helps protect the rights of both parties. 

Psychological Considerations for Using Donor Sperm

Using donor sperm to build a family is a complex decision with several psychological considerations for prospective parents, as well as for their future children. Here are some key points to explore:

Emotional Processing

• Grieving: Coming to terms with infertility or the inability to conceive naturally can involve a grieving process for individuals or couples. Acknowledging and addressing feelings of loss, sadness, or disappointment is crucial before proceeding.
• Acceptance: Embracing the idea of using donor sperm may take time. Male partners will need to accept that they won't have a genetic link to their child, while also recognizing the deep emotional bond that will develop through parenting.
• Ambiguity: Questions about the donor's identity or potential future contact with the child may raise feelings of uncertainty. Openly discussing these issues with a therapist or counselor can help you address anxieties and make informed decisions about disclosure and future communication.

Societal Stigma

In the past, there was more stigma associated with using donor sperm in heterosexual couples, likely because there was a perception of inadequacy or embarrassment that the male partners' own sperm was absent, less virile or "didn’t work."

In recent years, the use of donor gametes for family building has become increasingly prevalent. Though widely accepted in some areas, it's important to be aware that you may encounter potentially discouraging comments from family members, friends, or religious communities. Although there is nothing to be ashamed of, some people may have an implicit bias and/or be misinformed about the donor sperm process.

Even though it’s not your responsibility to speak up and dispel these myths, it’s important to recognize that they exist, and know that challenges may arise as a result of them. Consequently, Illume Fertility requires that anyone using donor sperm have a consultation with one of our mental health professionals to discuss this and other potential issues.

Your Future Child's Well-Being

When thinking about the impact of donor conception on a future child, there are two critical components to consider, which both warrant a bit more discussion:

Disclosure

When and how you will disclose to your child that donor sperm was used in their conception. While non-disclosure is more of an option when donor sperm is used by heterosexual couples, research shows that parents who are open and honest from the start can help reduce the likelihood of emotional issues for donor-conceived children.

Identity Formation

Addressing potential questions about the donor and genetic heritage can support your child's identity development. Providing age-appropriate information and creating a safe space for open dialogue are essential.

Consider what your plan is and how you want to communicate this important information to them. This will be unique to each individual family. Many donor recipient parents choose to incorporate mentions of their child's donor into daily conversations from infancy, while others convey this information in different age-appropriate ways, such as reading books together.

Are you a single mom by choice?

Explore this path to motherhood with our complete guide to becoming a single mom by choice - including finding a fertility clinic, selecting a donor, and beyond.

Donor Conception Resources

We know that disclosing the use of donor gametes can be difficult for many parents. Thankfully, there are lots of resources available to help. Here are a few places to start:

Books

• Children's Books About Donor Conception
• Building Your Family: The Complete Guide to Donor Conception
• Inheritance: A Memoir of Genealogy, Paternity, and Love

Articles

• Explaining Donor Conception to Your Child: Dos and Don'ts
• Enhancing Family Connections in Donor Conception
  
• Why Parents Should Be Open With Their Kids About Donor Conception

Research

• Exploring the Factors Influencing Parents' Disclosure Decisions
• Male Infertility and Donor Conception in the Wake of Legislative Change
• The Young Adults' Study

Podcasts

• Donor Conception Conversations
• The Queer Family Podcast
• Not By Accident
• I Want to Put a Baby In You

Websites

• All Things Donor Conception - Created by Hayley King, who is both a donor-conceived adult and also the mother of sperm donor-conceived twins.
• Donor Conceived Community - A nonprofit that provides support and education for people navigating donor conception and DNA discoveries.
• Donor Conception Network - A UK-based organization providing support, information and community to those thinking about using donor conception to build their family.

Support Groups

• RESOLVE: The National Infertility Association
  
• AllPaths Family Building

Please note that Illume Fertility does not necessarily endorse each of these resources. We are simply providing this list to allow you to your own research and form your own opinions.

Sperm Donor FAQs

How much do sperm donors get paid?

Sperm donors may receive anywhere from $50 to $150 for each donation that meets the bank's sperm concentration and living cell standards. Payment is based on the quality of the sample, not on physical or mental attributes.

Some sperm banks offer ongoing donation programs, where donors are paid up to $4,000 over a 6-month program ($150 per donation visit), for example.

What do I need to know about using donor sperm at Illume?

In addition to the information we discussed above (two vials of IUI-ready sperm, CMV testing, and costs) Illume Fertility requires that all proper consents are signed and that your donor sperm vials have been received by our lab prior to starting your treatment cycle.

It is also important to check with your insurance company regarding their policies, as documentation may be needed in order to cover the price of a donor sperm cycle. 

Why do men choose to become sperm donors?

A man may choose to donate his sperm for a variety of reasons, which are often a combination of the following:

• Altruism: The desire to help others, especially those struggling with infertility, is a major motivator. Many donors find deep satisfaction in knowing they've played a role in helping someone create a family.
• Financial compensation: While it isn't the primary reason for most, sperm donation does offer some financial compensation, which can be helpful for students or those with tight budgets.
• Genetic legacy: Some men who don't plan on having their own children see sperm donation as a way to pass on their genes and contribute to future generations.
• Personal values: For some, sperm donation aligns with their beliefs in reproductive freedom and choice, helping others overcome biological barriers to parenthood.
• Health benefits: The comprehensive health screenings required for donors can offer valuable insights into their own health and fertility.

It's important to remember that motivations can vary greatly from person to person.

Some may be more driven by altruism, while others might find the combination of financial compensation and health benefits appealing. Some sperm donors even include their "why" on their donor profile. Ultimately, each donor has their own unique reasons!

Lean On Your Care Team

Choosing a sperm donor is a personal and significant decision. Take your time, do your research, and prioritize open communication with your partner (if applicable) and healthcare professionals throughout the process.

Whether or not you're using donor sperm, undergoing any type of fertility treatment cycle can feel confusing and stressful. The good news? You don't have to go it alone!

Your Illume Care Team is here to help, with resources like support groups, FAQ sheets, mental health professionals, in-house genetic counselors, and a seasoned clinical team ready to answer your questions and address concerns about this (or any) process.

Remember: No question is too silly, stupid, or obvious! We are here for you at any point in your family-building journey, and are always rooting for you and your success.