Explore financial grants, a vetted list of organizations, surrogacy agencies, LGBTQ+ support groups and other resources.
July 23rd, 2024 | 15 min. read
Looking for help navigating your surrogacy journey? Our detailed guide offers a comprehensive collection of financial support resources, LGBTQ-friendly organizations and charities, peer networks, personal stories, and much more.
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How does surrogacy work?
Whether you've done many hours of research or are just beginning to explore the possibility of a surrogacy journey, you'll soon find out that there is a lot of information out there about the topic - and not all of it is helpful or accurate. And while the goal of LGBTQ+ family building is no different than any other family-building journey, the path to parenthood can be a bit more complex.
In partnership with our LGBTQ+ resource hub, Gay Parents To Be, we provide helpful, digestible surrogacy resources for all hopeful dads-to-be. Wondering where to begin?
Explore these guides to prepare for the adventure ahead:
- Your Complete Step-by-Step Guide to Surrogacy
- How Does IVF Work for Dads-to-Be?
- How to Choose a Surrogacy Agency
- Matching With a Gestational Carrier (Surrogate)
- HIV+ Family Building
- Family Building for Trans Parents-to-Be
- Cost Considerations for Surrogacy
Financial Assistance for Surrogacy
One of the biggest hurdles for dads-to-be pursuing surrogacy is the cost associated with this path to family-building. Between agency fees, fertility clinic costs for IVF, egg donor and surrogacy compensation, legal fees and other important services, it can add up - quickly.
But before you throw up your hands and write off surrogacy forever, we have some encouraging news: there are organizations, grants, and assistance available for LGBTQ+ parents-to-be!
Surrogacy Grants, Charities & Nonprofits
Visit the following LGBTQ-friendly organizations to explore what they have to offer gay men pursuing surrogacy as their pathway to parenthood. Let's explore some of the best places to seek financial assistance for surrogacy.
Note: While our team has thoroughly researched each organization below, we encourage you to read the fine print and ensure you meet eligibility requirements, then reach out to their listed contact with any follow-up questions.
BabyQuest Foundation
BabyQuest Foundation is a non-profit organization whose goal is to grant financial assistance to those who cannot afford fertility treatments such as IUI, IVF, egg donation, and surrogacy. Applications are accepted from heterosexual, same-sex couples, and single individuals.
Eligibility
LGBTQ-friendly. Applicants may reside anywhere in the United States. They must demonstrate financial need and submit required medical documentation. Applicants must demonstrate overall good physical and mental health, be under the age of 40, and meet the definition of infertility as determined by the American Society of Reproductive Medicine (ASRM).
In addition, applicants need to show financial stability, including basic health insurance for mother/prenatal care, adequate living arrangements, and means for child support.
Nest Egg Foundation
Grants can be used to pay for in vitro fertilization (IVF) only. This can include the IVF treatment cycle, embryo, egg or sperm cryopreservation, embryo testing, and cycle medications. Nest Egg grants may cover up to $20,000 of treatment. Grant funding can be used at the Center for Advanced Reproductive Services (CARS) or Illume Fertility.
Eligibility
LGBTQ-friendly. New York and Connecticut residents only. No infertility diagnosis required for same-sex couples or individuals.
Men Having Babies
Men Having Babies created the Gay Parenting Assistance Program (GPAP) as part of their mission to make building a family more affordable for gay prospective parents that need financial assistance for their surrogacy journey. GPAP annually facilitates over a million dollars worth of financial support for gay prospective parents in two forms:
- Discounted and free services donated by more than one hundred leading IVF, surrogacy, egg donation and legal service providers to prospective parents.
- Discounted and donated complementary services including fertility medication, escrow services, and insurance resource services.
Eligibility
In order to apply for the Gay Parenting Assistance Program (GPAP), applicants must be supporting members of MHB in good standing. There is no charge for members to apply for GPAP. Read all eligibility criteria here.
Footsteps for Fertility Foundation
Footsteps for Fertility Foundation offers grants of either $5,000 each or less, depending on the cost of required treatment or in-kind donated services from clinical partners. Grants are awarded by random selection following a 5K-race event.
They also offer a national, awarded by random selection via social media. This is more of a raffle than a grant. Participants pay a race fee of around $35 and an application fee of around $30.
Eligibility
LGBTQ-friendly. Race event applicants and national applicants must meet the definition of infertility as defined by SART. Race event applicants must register for the race and create a race team.
Journey to Parenthood
Journey to Parenthood helps couples and individuals dealing with infertility achieve their dreams of becoming parents by providing financial and emotional support along their journey, as well as to provide education and resources. Grants awarded are up to $10,000. Grants cover IVF, IUI, egg donation, surrogacy, and adoption. Must provide proof of a stable home.
Eligibility
LGBTQ-friendly. Applicants must be U.S. citizens residing in the U.S. and must be treated by a reproductive endocrinology and infertility specialist (REI) in the United States. Applicants must demonstrate that they can provide a stable home environment and significant financial obstacles with building their family.
Find more financial assistance for surrogacy here.
Why is surrogacy so expensive?
Learn the average cost of surrogacy in the United States, with a special focus on additional financial considerations for same-sex male couples.
Organizations Supporting Dads-to-Be
We've compiled a list of trusted organizations who help educate, connect, and resource you for your surrogacy journey. Explore our top picks here:
Gays With Kids
As the leading resource for gay, bi, and trans dads-to-be, Gays With Kids offers a wealth of information and support to hopeful fathers across the globe. A great place to start? Exploring their in-depth Guide to Gay Surrogacy or attending a free webinar to learn more.
Men Having Babies
Hosting regular conferences for gay men pursuing surrogacy across the globe, Men Having Babies serves as an incredible resource for dads-to-be wanting to learn more about surrogacy, connect with agencies and healthcare providers and much more. Their Gay Parenting Assistance Program (GPAP) also provides substantial financial assistance to eligible fathers-to-be.
Note: Men Having Babies also has a great list of LGBTQ-focused books (for both dads and kids) that focus on surrogacy and same-sex parents. Worth checking out!
Family Equality
Offering a robust variety of tools and support, Family Equality's mission is to advance equality for ALL families. They host educational and recreational events, connect LGBTQ+ people through their network of national family groups, create family-building resources and are on the forefront of advocacy efforts impacting the community.
Gay Parents To Be
At Illume, we are proud to offer Gay Parents To Be as an educational resource hub for LGBTQ+ family building, with a special focus on surrogacy for gay dads. The team at Gay Parents To Be is passionate about helping LGBTQ+ folks build the family of their dreams through comprehensive support, education, and community.
RESOLVE: The National Infertility Association
With peer and professionally-led support groups, online communities, educational resources and more, RESOLVE advocates for access to fertility care for all, and supports all paths to parenthood.
Circle Surrogacy
This surrogacy and egg donation agency has been one of Illume's trusted partners for many years, and offers some great FAQs regarding surrogacy, as well as detailed information about IVF, the surrogacy process, and parenting.
They also frequently host informational webinars featuring real dads' surrogacy stories, which is a great opportunity to learn about the process!
Worldwide Surrogacy
Another wonderful surrogacy agency that we frequently partner with and recommend. Worldwide Surrogacy offers resources for intended parents like a surrogacy dictionary, surrogacy stories, a blog, and more.
The Importance of Community
On this unique path to parenthood, it can be easy to feel isolated and unsure about how to connect with others on similar journeys.
As tempting as it may be to want to keep your head down and not put in the effort to establish new relationships, creating a sense of community can make a huge difference as you navigate this challenging (and often lengthy) family-building process.
We encourage you to explore peer support groups (either virtual or in-person), conferences like Men Having Babies, speak with a counselor, or simply share what you're going through with trusted family or friends.
The road to baby can be a long trek for some dads-to-be, with disappointments, frustrations and roadblocks along the way. Having a solid support network to remind you of why you're doing this and help you get through the tough parts can make all the difference.
4 Ways to Connect with Other Dads-to-Be
There are lots of ways to find peer support on your journey! Here are a few of our favorites:
- Attend conferences like Men Having Babies to connect with family-building professionals, fertility clinics, surrogacy agencies, and other dads-to-be.
- Find a peer support group like those offered by RESOLVE, Illume Fertility, or Family Equality.
- Watch webinars, read books, and listen to podcasts to discover new resources.
- Contact your community's local LGBTQ+ center to see if they have any groups or resources for intended parents.
Gestational Surrogacy FAQs
If you've chosen surrogacy as your pathway to parenthood, it's natural to have lots of questions! There are a lot of legal, logistical, financial, and other considerations that dads-to-be must take into account when planning their surrogacy journey - and not all of the answers are easy to find.
Here we've compiled a list of some commonly asked questions about surrogacy:
Which should I find first - an egg donor or a surrogate?
You can search for an egg donor and a surrogate at the same time. Usually, it takes less time to find an egg donor and create your embryos. If you find the surrogate first, you may need to pay to keep her on hold while you select an egg donor and embryos are created.
How long does the surrogacy process take?
While each step of the surrogacy process can take a varying amount of time, depending on your availability, the time it takes to choose your egg donor and gestational carrier, financial resources, and other factors that may be personal to you, the average total length of a surrogacy journey is anywhere from 15 to 24 months.
What type of testing is necessary before we start IVF treatment?
Due to FDA regulations, bloodwork may be necessary at the time of semen collection for the IVF procedure. In addition, two specific physical exams will be required to be filled out by your primary care provider. If one or both partners have an infectious disease, such as HIV, you will be referred to a special lab for semen processing.
You will also typically meet with a licensed clinical social worker and a genetic counselor prior to starting IVF.
Should I use a surrogacy agency or find a surrogate myself?
To cut costs, many patients think about looking for a surrogate/gestational carrier on their own. However, using an agency is always recommended, because they specialize in finding suitable gestational carriers and help to streamline the rigorous screening process.
Agencies are also experienced in finding a personality match with the intended parents!
What is the difference between a surrogate and a gestational carrier?
While both terms can be used interchangeably, traditional surrogacy involved a woman who both carried the pregnancy and also supplied the egg (making her genetically-linked to the baby). This practice is no longer commonplace.
In modern surrogacy arrangements, a gestational carrier carries the pregnancy but does not supply the egg. Through in vitro fertilization (IVF), the intended parents’ own sperm and donor egg (or donor sperm and donor egg) are combined and transferred into the gestational carrier’s uterus.
Meet Julien
After 10 long years of dreaming, planning, and saving to become a father through gestational surrogacy, a single dad shares his honest experience.
How are gestational carriers (surrogates) screened?
Gestational carriers (GCs) have their physical and mental health comprehensively reviewed. Women are tested for gynecologic health associated with the uterus, as well as infectious diseases. Psychological counseling with a mental health professional is also essential to make sure they fully understand the process.
To qualify to be a gestational carrier, a woman must:
- Have had a previous uncomplicated pregnancy and delivery
- Be medically and emotionally healthy
- Demonstrate financial stability
- Meet with an attorney to discuss the legal aspects of the process
- Be evaluated by a mental health professional
Note: Once you are nearing the final contract signing phase with your gestational carrier, a background check and home study may also be required.
Can I use an egg donor I know personally? Do I have to work with an agency?
You can absolutely choose a donor you know! Some intended parents already have an egg donor in mind, such as a sister, cousin, or a good friend. This donor’s medical profile will be presented to your fertility clinic's medical team to determine her suitability as a donor.
Screenings will be performed in the same way as with unknown egg donors.
Can I choose a surrogate I know personally?
Yes, you may choose to use a friend or relative as a gestational carrier (surrogate), though it's critical to understand that they will need to undergo the same rigorous screening process as any other candidate - which can increase the overall cost of the journey.
If you need help matching with a gestational carrier, there are many excellent agencies who can assist you through this process.
Can we use both my partner’s and my sperm?
Yes, sperm can be split between donor eggs to try to create embryos that are genetically-related to each partner, if desired. However, sperm from both partners cannot be mixed together.
More Surrogacy Resources & Support
In addition to the amazing organizations and resources listed above, we encourage you to explore the following articles to learn more about the surrogacy process and read stories from real LGBTQ+ dads who have been there.
With so much information being thrown at you as you navigate surrogacy, sometimes the best thing to do is simply remember WHY you're doing it - and reading through other families' stories can help provide some great perspective.
Real Surrogacy Stories
International Surrogacy
- An International Surrogacy Journey | Doug & Sanjay's Story
- Creating Our Multicultural Family | Alo & Javi's Story
Twin Surrogacy Journeys
- Our Surrogacy Journey to Fraternal Twins | Adeel & Anthony's Story
- A Lifelong Dream of Twins | Dan & Adam's Story
Unique Surrogacy Perspectives
- Why I Became a Surrogate | Julie's Story
- Why I Became a Gestational Surrogate | Savannah's Story
- The Joys & Challenges of Single Parent Surrogacy | Julien's Story
More Surrogacy Experiences
- A Blessing in Disguise | Keith & Kevin's Surrogacy Journey
- Tim & Steve's Surrogacy Journey
- Maintaining the Surrogate Relationship | Robbie & Mackenzy's Story
- Becoming Dads During a Pandemic | Tyler & Eric's Story
Learn More About Surrogacy
- Can You Mix Sperm for Surrogacy? A Genetics Guide for Gay Dads
- How to Find An Egg Donor: A Guide for Gay Men Pursuing Surrogacy
- How Much Do Surrogates Make to Carry a Pregnancy?
- What is the Average Cost of Surrogacy in the United States?
- Fertility Clinic vs. Surrogacy Agency: What's the Difference?
- Types of Donor Arrangements: Directed (Known) vs. Nonidentified Donors
- 13 Common LGBTQ+ Family Planning Terms You Need to Know
- Can I Ask My Surrogate To Follow a Special Diet?
How much does surrogacy cost?
Learn what you can expect to pay for a surrogacy journey as an intended parent.