My Partner Can’t Be There for My Procedures | The Fertility Community Speaks Up

About a month ago, we posted on Instagram, asking for a favor.

And boy, did you deliver.

Our goal was to comfort those who have to endure procedures like egg retrievals, hysteroscopies, and embryo transfers alone due to COVID-19 restrictions. Not being able to have your support person attend these emotional and intense turning points in the journey is a medical industry standard at this point (you can't even walk into the dentist office together anymore!), but it never gets any easier to alert our patients about these changes or see them walk into the office alone.

We asked ourselves...

“How can we make this experience feel less isolating for patients?" That’s when we turned to our passionate community - who have been through this very thing, who have felt afraid, lonely or anxious, and have actually gone through these emotional transfers, surgeries and procedures alone.

We asked you...

“What words of encouragement do you have for patients in the middle of their cycles?”

You pounced at the opportunity to comfort and support others, and for that, we're forever grateful.

If you’re going through fertility treatments during a pandemic, know that you are never alone. Yes, you may walk into the surgeries, scans, transfers, and retrievals all by yourself, but behind you are an amazing community of fertility warriors (not to mention our warm staff and medical team), cheering you on.

As a dedication to our patients and the strength they muster during these trying times, we will be hanging these words of encouragement in our office to remind you that you are part of a community of fighters. You will get through this.

Advice & Encouragement from RMA of CT Patients

Below are the thoughtful words from other patients that support you and feel for you. We have removed names and social handles to allow them their privacy, but please know that we haven't changed a word and all the sentiments are real.

All of the quotes were pulled from the amazing comments and messages received from this social post - feel free to read them there as well. We encourage you to sit down with a cup of tea and soak up these wise words from fellow patients!

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"Honor your progress. Celebrate your strength. Embrace your feelings. However parenthood comes to you is a miracle and there is purpose in your season of waiting."

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"Never ever give up. You can endure so much more than you think. You are a warrior and always have HOPE."

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"When you can, laugh. It obviously depends on the type of person you are, but I found laughter in this process was key. From learning how to drink gallons of water and “pee a tiny bit only” to knowing about body parts you never knew you had to knowing what a “butt shot” is. And Xanax!"

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"As the entry in the blood draw says, anything is possible!"

"Don't give up what you want most for what you want right now. It's hard not to get the family you want, the way you want it, in the timeline you expected, but this was my mantra to remind myself that although there may be other ways to have a family, I wasn't ready to give up on my ultimate goal without a fight. I always wanted to be done with those terrible progesterone shots in the moment but then I wouldn't have gotten what I wanted most."

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"Always think positive!"

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"It seems so cliche, but I really focused on the end result! ‘I never on my worst day felt I would not achieve success!’ Every bump, every change in meds, Hysteroscopy, all the shots were a welcome effort! We are forever grateful to RMA!"

"One statement that I believe is so true is 'what’s meant to be, will be.' There were times when me and my husband felt like giving up, times where we thought we were doing something wrong, times where we weren’t sure if our dream would ever become a reality. Through our experience with RMACT we followed each step with caution as Dr. L led us in the right direction. When you feel like hope is gone, just remember it wasn’t meant to be. There will be a time and a place for everything and ours finally came! We are expecting TWINS in June and couldn’t be any more happier than we are today! A big shout out to the entire staff at RMACT for making our dreams come true among a global pandemic!"

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"Just breathe! My mantra for every appointment, blood draw, drive to Danbury or Norwalk, ultrasound, every needle etc!"

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“The best is yet to come. When I was blessed with my positive pregnancy test, I had a onesie made that said 'the little embryo that could.'”

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"Your infertility does not make you less than. This experience actually makes you stronger than most."

"This too shall pass. It seems like you’re never going to get out of the pit when you’re stuck in it, but when you do get pregnant, I promise the emotional, exhausting, seemingly unending struggle will be in the rear view mirror."

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"It is a marathon not a sprint."

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"Be gentle with yourself. All your emotions are valid. It’s a tough road and those that haven’t walked it might not understand, so set boundaries with others and surround yourself with people who make you feel good. Figure out what helps you feel like yourself and do it often. Identify the things that trigger you and avoid them if you can! Celebrate all the small victories along the way. Talk to a professional if you feel overwhelmed."

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"I guess the one thing that friends who’ve been through this have said to me, that really keeps me motivated, is 'it’s all worth it.' On days when I’m especially sad or frustrated, knowing one day it will all be worth it!"

"Start each day with gratitude. Took me a long time to own this practice, but has really helped lessen my anxiety and remind me that there is so much to be grateful for...anything from a hot cup of coffee to your amazing RMA team."

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"Forget about the struggles to this point. Focus on when it will happen, not if. Though you may not have your partner there, you are not alone because you have the wonderful RMA staff who will become like family. You are also not alone as you can see by the comments here - don’t ever be embarrassed or ashamed. Let the emotions out and surround yourself with those who will be there to lift you up and celebrate the journey."

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"You CAN do hard things! Honor yourself and embrace your journey."

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"For me it was important to remember that I was not alone in my journey even in the appointments I attended alone. Trust in the staff at RMA. Every single person there has your best interest at heart. They are the best. Allow them to support you. And lean on your support system at home. Infertility needs to be talked about more and you’d be surprised how many friends can relate to your experience once you open up about it."

"There is no guidebook. Honor your feelings and the journey. If you need to take a break and re-center do that. Be kind to yourself and believe."

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"One thing a friend told me who’s gone through infertility herself was this: 'But the harder the journey, the cuter the baby.' This has stuck with me and I can’t wait for that day when I can say she was right."

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"Knowing that I had the support of my doctors, nurse and my patient navigator helped get me through. Also, trust that your doctors and team will make only decisions in your best interest. I know Dr. Richlin gave me very personal advice when he said 'if my wife and I were in your situation I would tell her....' Also, use the support groups or other outlets available in your community. Having others to talk about it with helps a lot. I am pregnant with my second IVF baby who is also my rainbow baby. Having people who understand what I’m going through helps tremendously."

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"You are much stronger than you realize! Be strong, stay brave, it’s all worth it!"

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"Believe in your inner strength and find control where you can. Have confidence that you know what’s best for your own body and the future of your family. Believe that you are worthy of the family you always dreamed of and keep your head down, moving through the steps, until you reach it. Try to remove the overwhelming emotions that come with the process and trust in the decisions you make and the woman you’re becoming as a result of it."

"I learned you need to have faith and not give up hope."

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"This time last year I was in Jamaica with my husband trying to relax and ring in the new year manifesting a successful pregnancy. I had been through 3 miscarriages, 2 rounds of IVF, and had 1 frozen embryo left. I went into my 3rd and final IVF attempt in February right before the height of the pandemic. Fast forward to today, I’m sitting here with a beautiful, healthy 2 month old. Don't. Give. Up. You’re stronger than you think you are. Trust your protocol, your doctors and yourself. Everyone on the RMA team and your fellow infertility warriors are rooting for you."

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"You’re so much stronger than you think. When you want to give up, just keep going...the results will be priceless."

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"I saw the post and wanted to share my story. While it’s not the most encouraging, the one thing I tell myself is to be brave and be hopeful. Infertility and pregnancy loss during COVID is lonely. This morning, I leaned over and gave Trevon a kiss as I quietly walked into the clinic alone knowing we were about to lose our baby. I sat in the patient room, gowned and prepped alone as tears silently dripped down, hearing the doctor say “I’m sorry we are meeting like this." I spent the next few minutes waiting, just thinking of the past few weeks. The excitement of our BFP, my HCG levels doubling as expected, the uncertainty of the 1st ultrasound, the heartbeat at the 2nd and then the heartbreaking news at the final ultrasound. But I did all that alone. Trevon didn’t get to experience any ultrasounds, he didn’t get to hear our baby’s heartbeat or see the flickering heartbeat as the doctor confirmed there was in fact a baby. He didn’t get to ask questions when the doctor said “I can’t find the baby." I, again, felt flooded with emotions: sadness, anger, and grief. But I was reminded by a good friend last night my feelings (all of them, present and those to come) are normal but I just have to let my body process them and just let go, when I’m ready. I don’t write for sympathy, or attention. But for other women, couples, families that struggle silently, feel alone or isolated. You are not alone, your feelings are valid, your story is real. My heart is with you, my heart breaks for you. But RMA is an awesome team and we are happy to be on this journey with them."

“You are a bad a$$ b*tch and you’ve TOTALLY GOT THIS! You’re stronger than you think! Repeat that x10!"

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"Strong work guys! A favorite line from our favorite doc Dr. Josh Hurwitz. You will always feel supported by your team at RMA and it truly is ALL worth it."

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"When you experience such polar emotions - gratitude always triumphs."

Here's Our Promise To You

All of us here at RMA of Connecticut will do everything we can to make you feel supported, hopeful, and safe as you navigate this extra challenging time alongside us. We know that coming to appointments and going through procedures alone can feel really scary and isolating. Our Integrated Fertility and Wellness team is an incredible resource we encourage you to take advantage of, if you're not already!

While we wait for the time when it's safe to move on to our "new normal" and allow support people and partners to come with you to appointments again, we want you to know one thing: We see you. Pushing through the anxiety, being strong, and making the best of a difficult situation. We hope that the encouraging words we've shared from other RMA of CT patients help get you through it too. 

Good luck, and don't ever hesitate to reach out to your care team for extra support or guidance. We are all rooting for you, and we will make it through this together!

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