How to Be an Empowered & Effective Fertility Patient

No matter who you are, when you're trying to build a family and it's not happening easily, it is incredibly frustrating and difficult. How can you communicate your preferences, concerns, and questions more effectively to your Care Team so you feel heard and understood?

In this article:

• The Universal Truths of Infertility
• Staying Engaged & Involved is Crucial
• You Are the Most Important Member of Your Team
• How to Be an Empowered & Effective Fertility Patient
• Fertility Patient Do's
• Fertility Patient Don'ts
• Your Voice Matters
• Health Care Providers Respond

The Universal Truths of Infertility

I’ve yet to meet anyone who feels thrilled to be faced with not being able to become pregnant when they’re ready, or carry and deliver a healthy baby. Another universal truth is that infertility can elicit long held beliefs in ourselves - as well as form new, sometimes unwelcome ones.    

I can't tell you how many times I've heard fertility patients say:

• “I feel broken.” 
• “I’m ashamed that I can’t do the thing my body is 'made' to do.” 
• “I’m exhausted!” 
• “No one understands.”  
• “I’ve never felt this needy in my life.” 

Those were phrases that I used throughout my own fertility journey as well. Phrases that I’ve heard (literally) thousands of times over the past three decades.

These emotions can cause a disconnect for many patients, making you feel like you're not in control, and sometimes - like you're not the most important member of your fertility treatment team (spoiler alert: you are).

Staying Engaged & Involved is Crucial 

My goal in writing this piece is to help you become a more empowered and effective patient. To help you own that place of being the most important member of your fertility treatment team. You. Not the doctor. You.  

While your doctor focuses intently on your medical care, you are the only person who can focus on you as a whole person. You are the only one who can tell your team when you need more help. You are the only one who can tell your team when a procedure or a medication or a test has caused concerns or pain. 

Without you fully participating in your care, your team is at a disadvantage. They are essentially working in the dark!

So, why are we even talking about this? Because of the fear so many of us have - the fear that if we aren't "good" fertility patients, we won’t get the best medical treatment possible. 

Empowering Yourself As a Fertility Patient

We must acknowledge that each of us has our own personality, and our own response to the stress that trying to build a family causes. Some of us become louder, some get quieter.

Some of us ask a million questions, some of us ask nothing at all. Some of us let our health care providers know about every discomfort we experience, while some end up in the Emergency Room before anyone knows there’s a problem.  

Is there a meeting place between you (the patient) and your Care Team? Are there ways of communicating and participating in your own treatment so that you are your own best advocate? Yes! Let's talk about them.

Fertility Patient Do's

1. Tell your Care Team when you are unhappy.
2. Let your team know the best way to reach you and what your communication preferences are (email, text, phone, etc.)
3. Ask what constitutes an emergency. Is it an urgent call or a trip to the ER?
4. Find out if you have insurance benefits. If your insurance company has a patient advocate, speak with them about your coverage in addition to the financial counselor at your fertility practice.
5. Ask for a treatment overview, as well as the details of your treatment cycle.
6. Tell your team when you will be unavailable (vacations, teaching schedules, etc.) 
7. Recognize that your team will be able to accommodate some aspects of your schedule, but not necessarily all.
8. Be open with your team about your preferences (i.e. early mornings are better, Fridays are impossible, etc.)  
9. Build a relationship with your team from the very beginning!
10. Include everyone on your team in email correspondence.

Now that we've talked about what to do to feel more empowered and effective as a fertility patient, let's discuss some things to avoid as you navigate your journey to parenthood.

Free Fertility Assessment

Answer a few general questions about your medical history and family-building goals, and we'll deliver instant results straight to your inbox.

Fertility Patient Don'ts

1. Don't wait until you’ve reached the boiling point of frustration to bring an issue up.
2. Don't assume anything (if you’re not sure, always ask for clarification).
3. Don't hesitate to reach out for support from your team - at any point.
4. Don't worry that your fertility team won’t work hard for you or care about your outcome.
5. Don't raise your voice when trying to communicate - screaming and swearing aren’t received well by anyone.
6. Don't forget that your team works very closely with each other!
7. Don't hesitate to recap in writing what was agreed to in a conversation.
8. Don't let yourself feel like a burden - your Care Team truly wants to help you.
9. Don't keep your concerns to yourself.
10. Don't lose sight of your end goal.

Your Voice Matters

Struggling to grow your family can make you feel powerless, and it may seem like a particularly difficult time to be empowered. But it is absolutely possible - and critical to establishing, growing, and maintaining relationships with your healthcare providers so you can getting the best treatment and outcomes possible.  

The most important thing you can do on this journey is become your own best advocate.

Ask for what you need, reach out for support, and communicate frequently with your Care Team. While it may be difficult to recognize sometimes, they all want the same thing you do - for you to achieve your goals.

Health Care Providers Respond 

Knowing how your health care provider feels about these tools of empowerment might ease your mind about using them!

Being an effective team means speaking the same, agreed upon "language of infertility," setting clear expectations on both sides, and taking steps to build relationships with mutual trust and respect.  

In Part 2 of this series, we ask veteran patient advocates for their tips, and in Part 3, we go straight to the source and speak to board-certified reproductive endocrinologists and other fertility care professionals about which of these ideas can be most effective and helpful in furthering communication and collaboration amongst all your team members.

Remember: We're all on your team and want you to succeed!