August 1st, 2024 | 9 min. read
When most people dream of starting a family, they don't envision needing the help of a fertility specialist. But when trying to conceive stretches from months into years, it becomes clear that something is wrong. In this powerful story, new parents AmyKate and Brian open up about their emotional journey, and how love and hope carried them through.
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Meet AmyKate & Brian
After meeting in their twenties, AmyKate and Brian knew they were meant to be. Their relationship grew and evolved, and ten years later, the couple married. They began building a life together and dreaming about becoming parents. What they weren't expecting was that they'd have trouble making that dream come true.
"We started trying to grow our family in early 2020," AmyKate says. "For the next three years, we tried to conceive on our own - I was constantly measuring my basal body temperature and using ovulation test kits." Unfortunately, the couple still had no luck.
"So many other women who are trying to conceive also try all these over-the-counter fertility tools," adds AmyKate. "It gets pretty frustrating when you've been fixated on tracking all of these things and still end up with negative pregnancy tests every month."
Initial Fertility Testing
The couple relayed their concerns to AmyKate's OB/GYN, who decided to perform an in-office procedure to evaluate her uterus and fallopian tubes (called a hysterosalpingogram, or HSG).
The doctor was about to start her on a course of Clomid® (a fertility medication), when additional test results confirmed the couple simply wouldn't be able to get pregnant without the help of more advanced fertility treatment. She referred them to Illume Fertility.
Even though she knew it was time to ask for help, she kept pushing off making that first phone call to a fertility specialist. "I was really in denial," she says. "I kept telling myself it was going to happen when it was meant to be - I didn't want to be pushy, I didn't want to tempt fate, so to speak."
Their Missing Puzzle Piece
Throughout those three long years, the couple struggled to remain hopeful.
"There were so many tears, so much disappointment and sadness during that time," AmyKate remembers. "Every year when I took my Christmas decorations out, I felt so sad that another holiday was passing and we still only had two stockings hung by the tree."
"I dreamed of sharing this amazing life with our missing piece," she says. "I dreamt of the positive pregnancy test, the missed period, the first feeling of a human being growing inside me, hearing the heartbeat for the first time." But after battling infertility for so many years, those dreams now felt out of reach and unattainable.
What surprised you about infertility?
"It felt so lonely at times," AmyKate admits. "We didn't share our fertility struggle with hardly anyone, so many of our friends and family would make comments about us not being pregnant, cracking jokes about how long they would have to wait [for us to have a baby]."
What their loved ones didn't know was how those insensitive comments were impacting the couple, who were trying so hard to grow their family. "It was devastating to have to hold back tears, brush off questions and comments, and act unbothered when I was dying inside," she says.
As anyone who has faced infertility can attest, these seemingly 'innocent' remarks can hurt deeply. Especially for those who choose to keep their journey private, hearing people flippantly discuss something so painful is heartbreaking.
Finding Their Fertility Clinic Match
The couple finally gathered the courage to reach out to Illume Fertility, and immediately felt a surge of optimism about their future. "On that very first phone call [to Illume], I instantly felt like it was all going to work out," AmyKate recalls. "For the first time in so long, I felt like our dreams would eventually come true - I felt hope, I felt heard and supported right away."
After their first consultation with Dr. Alexander Kucherov, AmyKate and Brian underwent additional fertility testing to confirm what their OB/GYN had seen. They decided together that IVF would be the best treatment option, and jumped headfirst into the IVF process in January 2023.
Beginning IVF Treatment
The couple entered their first treatment cycle, administering fertility medications to stimulate AmyKate's ovaries to produce additional eggs.
Her progress was carefully monitored by Dr. Kucherov and the rest of the couple's Care Team, and as soon as enough follicles (the fluid-filled sacs that contain the eggs) had developed, AmyKate took a final "trigger shot" to encourage their final maturation. All that hard work paid off, with 13 eggs gathered during her egg retrieval procedure.
However, after retrieval, the attrition process began, and they ended up with only one healthy embryo. Although this is a normal and expected part of IVF, it's understandably disappointing to hear those numbers dwindle from the amount of eggs retrieved to the final embryo count.
Is IVF right for you?
Learn how much IVF costs, how long the process takes, and how this treatment method can help you become a parent.
Coping With Uncertainty
The hardest part of navigating their fertility journey was knowing there were no guarantees, says AmyKate. She leaned heavily on her husband Brian, as well as her sister and closest girlfriends, and their collective support carried her through some of her darkest days.
"I also listened to a lot of podcasts driving to and from fertility appointments, and that [distraction] helped tremendously," she adds.
Will one embryo be enough?
Some fertility patients opt to move forward with second IVF cycle and egg retrieval right away, in the hopes of increasing their chances of success. "Dr. Kucherov asked me if I wanted to jump into another round of IVF to try to get more embryos or take a chance and transfer that one perfect embryo we had," AmyKate recalls.
"Brian and I talked and decided my mind and body could use a break, so we chose to transfer our one embryo," she says. "Our embryo transfer was on May 25, 2023 and we found out it had been successful on June 2, 2023. It was the best phone call I've ever gotten!"
"Our little embryo that could, Jackson Ahmed Russ, was born on February 17, 2024," says AmyKate. "Dr. Kucherov, our nurse Caroline, and the entire staff at Illume gave us our dream come true."
Honoring A Friend's Memory
Jack's name holds special meaning for the couple. In April 2021, Brian's best friend Ahmed had been tragically killed in a car accident. "He was the best friend and the kindest, most amazing human being in the world," AmyKate shares. "It was devastating knowing he would never meet his nephew."
The night of their embryo transfer, Brian had a vivid dream that Ahmed came to their house, hugged him and laughed with him. "When my husband told me about that dream, I instantly felt like it was Ahmed telling us that our embryo transfer was going to be successful," AmyKate recalls. And she was right!
After that special "visit," the couple knew they wanted to name their baby boy Jackson Ahmed to carry on their dear friend's legacy.
What's next for their family?
AmyKate and Brian currently live in Northfield, Connecticut, with baby Jack and their French bulldog, Layla. The couple is looking forward to celebrating their 15-year anniversary in August 2024 - with a little one finally in their arms.
"We can't wait to make so many memories with our sweet boy and his furry sister," says AmyKate. "Brian and I are huge travelers - we've driven cross-country and back three times!"
"We plan to show Jack all the National Parks and every state in the USA," she adds. What Jack doesn't know is he's already traveled quite a bit! "We took a trip cross-country when I was in my third trimester (with Jack on board in the womb), and everyone thought I was crazy."
Why They Share Their Story
"I feel it's important to share because you truly don't know what anyone is going through behind closed doors," she says. "I was extremely private about my journey while I was going through it, afraid that the more people I told, the more people I risked disappointing if my cycle wasn't successful."
But once she reached 12 weeks in her pregnancy with Jack, AmyKate decided she was finally ready to share their happy news. She decided to be transparent about their difficult journey to conceive and all the challenges they faced. As soon as she began to share about their experience more openly, friends and acquaintances reached out to share their own stories.
Offering Hope to Fertility Warriors
"Some of them told me that hearing about our fertility journey gave them the strength to keep pushing through their own," she says. "It was so eye opening to learn how many others were struggling with this, and also incredibly heartwarming to know my story gave them that push to keep going."
After years of longing to become parents, the couple is grateful to be on the other side, holding their sweet baby boy. To anyone still waiting for their own miracle, "Know that you are not alone, and never give up hope," AmyKate urges.
Your Complete Guide to IVF
Explore this amazing treatment option and learn what to expect with our step-by-step IVF guide.
