You're waiting - counting the days until you can share your pregnancy news. We're taught that sharing pregnancy news is safe at 12 or 13 weeks but that telling anyone before that milestone is iffy, at best. Where did we learn this? And what are the facts behind miscarriage, pregnancy, and silence?

You’re done. Fertility treatments, over. Finished. Adoption is not a choice for you. It just isn’t. Fostering a child, nope. No judgement on anyone who continues, it’s just that you know that you are done. Having a child was a lifelong dream and you’ve accepted, begrudgingly or not, that it’s not happening and that you know that it’s time for you to accept it. But come on, childfree by choice? It wasn’t a choice; it was inflicted on you. You didn’t weigh the options, balancing having a child with not having a child and choose the latter. You didn’t flip a coin and let that make your decision.

For some, infertility is a brief, albeit powerful interlude on the way to becoming a parent. Once pregnant, it’s like glancing at something stationary in the rear-view mirror - it quickly fades and then disappears. For many others though, the time spent in fertility treatment cycles, the ups and downs of testing, results, disappointments, and ultimately the success of having a baby forever alters how they experience themselves in the world. They see themselves differently because they are different. They are permanently changed. There are the littler things, like they don’t sweat the small stuff as much. They often feel less frustrated by sleepless nights, colicky babies, or interruptions due to an infant. (However, they don’t turn into saints, by any stretch of the imagination! Sleep deprivation and postpartum depression are real concerns and having infertility doesn’t protect you against them, so please, no guilt for being exhausted and cranky about being a parent after infertility.) But there’s also the bigger stuff. Without any comparison to parents who achieve their baby goals easily, parents after infertility do often feel a deeper sense of appreciation than they themselves would have felt, had they not had the experience of infertility. The only comparison being noted here is how those with infertility might themselves have been if infertility hadn’t entered their lives to delay parenthood.

Infertility can seriously screw with friendships and family relationships.

People faced with infertility currently in treatment have had the hardest decisions to make over the last several months, hinging on factors out of their control. Many fertility practices reduced scheduling to only Telehealth consults, others were closed entirely, and almost all had to delay and postpone fertility treatment cycles due to COVID-19. Those decisions posed limitations that were hard for many patients to accept, and sparked conversations on many levels about whether fertility treatment is considered an “essential service.”

No Baby, Yet Despite infertility affecting 1 in 8 couples, it is still so often insidious. Most of us don’t see it coming. Even when we do have an idea ahead of time (because of medical problems, history, age, or other reasons), we’re still floored by the amount of time, energy, and resources that trying to conceive takes once fertility treatment is involved.

June is Men’s Health Month, but how much do you know about the reproductive aspects of your health, or your partners? If you're like most people, you might know the basics, but this is a perfect opportunity to take a deeper dive and understand what is fact, and what is fiction. For example, do you know about 40% of all couples affected by infertility is attributed to “male factor,” a term that simply means there is a glitch or problem with one of the two cells needed for conception – the sperm?

What Will Infertility Advocacy Do For YOU? On a personal level, for everyone reading this, whether it’s infertility or any other topic, one basic thing an advocacy effort can accomplish is to help pass laws. It’s simple, but it doesn’t sound personal or individual, does it? It sounds legislative because, for fertility treatment and advocacy, that’s where legal and lasting change can occur. Davina Fankhauser, Co-Founder of Fertility Within Reach, a not-for-profit organization dedicated to help people find a way to build their families, says it best, “Being your own best advocate was the first tagline for Fertility Within Reach. Moving from “victim” to “empowered advocate” is good for the body, mind, and soul. It’s contagious in that you will apply using your voice to other areas in your life. You will improve your life and the lives of others.”