Type A personalities have a well-deserved reputation for a penchant to control. Whether in their personal or professional lives, they can be picked out pretty easily. They’re the ones asking specific and detailed questions, tapping their smart watches, picking up any slack, and providing information that wasn’t even apparent to others that it was needed.
We depend on our type A personalities, and we love them. We appreciate them. Some of us are them!
Infertility has often been described as a roller coaster and for good reason. Lots of starts, stops, dips, curves and many uphill climbs. The difference? No one ever excitedly bought a ticket and wanted to stand in line for this. This is a ride no one wants to be on.
Another difference is not knowing what the end will look like. On an actual roller coaster, you get off, a little dizzy maybe, exhilarated, and relieved. You go on with your life.
The roller coaster of infertility doesn’t have a set end point. The ride can drag on much longer than anticipated, and the result isn’t guaranteed.
This sort of unknown is really hard on Type A’s. Yes, really hard on all of us. But, especially hard on people with Type A personalities who feel wildly out of control during a fertility journey.
What's their typical reaction? To double down on infertility knowledge and management. The upside to this is that Type A’s are very educated about what the fertility treatment process is all about. They’ve learned the language; they understand every term. They know the right questions to ask and all the follow up ones, too.
The downside for our Type A’s? While they are super knowledgeable and incredibly prepared, it doesn’t actually change the unknowns of the ride. The abrupt dips can set us all spinning: from changes in medication to dosage alterations, to your treatment timeline shifting, to sudden tests that need to be completed, or not knowing when your period will show up. Those uncertainties and shifts are going to be challenging, no matter how much you've educated yourself.
What can also happen with Type A’s is their thirst for information becomes unquenchable. Every detail needs to be known, as immediately as possible. This can be hard on both the fertility patient, the fertility practice, and the relationship between the two.
Speaking for Illume Fertility, we do not want patients to simply be compliant. We never want patients to feel the need to stop asking questions, stop asking for reassurance, or just be “good" patients. Hopefully, all fertility programs encourage open and transparent communication, so that there aren’t misunderstandings or unnecessary stress due to quieting questions and comments that should actually be asked.
However, when it comes to infertility, not all questions have a clear answer.
There are many sensitive tests ruling out different diagnoses, and this is crucial to understand what is and is not happening in treatment. Still, not all questions can be answered because some things are unknowable at this point in time. Fertility treatment is a combination of science and medicine, but the human body is unique, responses are individual, and not everything can be explained.
Maybe you’ve heard of “unexplained infertility?” It causes about 10% of all infertility cases, and while assisted reproductive technologies still have great success with this diagnosis...the why goes unanswered. Unexplained or idiopathic infertility is a real challenge for ANY patient.
What can be reassuring is that despite the unknowable nature of some factors, fertility treatment can continue and often overcomes the unexplained hurdles.
Setting up clear expectations between you and your fertility team is central to having a relationship that works smoothly.
Being proactive is up to you and your fertility treatment team!
That last one is often the most challenging for Type A’s. It’s even responsible for nudging Type B personalities towards a Type A personality.
“But why?” is the question. It’s THE question. We all want to know why. Because we think if we know why, we can make it different. That’s not always the case, as frustrating as that is.
For the Type A personality, or anyone for that matter, use the 6 suggestions above to help with managing it all. They will help your interactions with your fertility team, and they will model what is realistic for you to expect.
More than anything, what's most important in helping you have a more sane fertility treatment experience is to give yourself a break. Being in control is a way of coping, but if you’re finding yourself feeling even more stressed from your own constant questioning and concerns, maybe it’s time to take a step back and practice some self care.
Here are some helpful ways you can practice “giving yourself a break.” I know that's a loaded phrase. But hopefully, because there are so many options below, it will give anyone with a Type A personality a bit of that sense of control back - this time in a healthier way! Our suggestion? Pick 3 things that appeal to you, and try them. (If you're feeling more adventurous, pick 1 that does not appeal to you just to try something out of your comfort zone.)
Last, but not least:
Infertility and fertility treatments are hard. Painful. Discouraging. While you’re feeling all those feels, remember that fertility treatment is often successful - maybe not as quickly or as easily as any of us wish it would be, but eventually.
Stick around for the eventually. Stay in it for the baby and the family you’re dreaming of - I promise it’s worth it.
Our support groups are not just for patients.
If you feel like you need to talk before, during, or outside of fertility treatment, connect with us at one of our support groups